My Testimony (shared @ Comfest '25)

Hear her full story on the Psanctuary Podcast

I would have never expected to be on stage discussing how entheogens impacted my life. Entheogen is the word I prefer to use over psychedelics. It means “Becoming Divine Within.”

Early Life and Struggles

I was born in 1972 and grew up on the southeast side of Columbus. I graduated from Independence HS and went on to college, where I graduated summa cum laude. I married my high school sweetheart, had a successful career in Corporate America, and raised two lovely children. Now, I am a Nana. On the outside, I looked like I had it all, yet for much of my life, I carried around an emptiness mixed with a side of fear. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, TMJ, Fibromyalgia, and Malaise. I suffered from daily headaches, and my body ached. I went to therapy off and on and took anti-depressants for over 20 years.

Introduction to Entheogens

I grew up at the height of the drug war, with “Just Say No” and the belief that people who did drugs were “bad” or at least made bad choices. The book “Go Ask Alice” along with the drug war propaganda made me afraid to try psychedelics.

I was 46 years old when my partner, Gary, introduced me to L$D. He emphasized the main rule: be in a space with people you feel safe with and ensure there is someone you can ask for help. To be honest, at that time, I wasn’t seeking God or a cure for my health issues; I was just curious and wanted to have some fun. I really wanted to feel something different than the heaviness I carried. At the same time, I was really scared—afraid of “a bad trip.”

Revelations and Insights

My experience was completely opposite from what I expected. I was completely in the present moment and was able to see all the beauty around and within me. The pain and anxiety were gone, replaced with an overwhelming sense of peace and calm. I remember thinking, this is what the monks that dedicate their lives to meditation are seeking.

As I had more experiences, I began to see the world as a big amoeba—all connected, all one. For the first time in my life, I felt a direct connection to a Universal Intelligence, what is commonly called God, and was given insight into “the rules of the universe,” energy, and common themes across all religions. Most importantly, I became aware of and connected with my inner child. I began to question my understanding of life and how I was experiencing so much difficulty that didn’t need to be—things which had seemed a bit inside out and upside down from the way they could be.

Deepening the Experience

From our initial insights, we felt the potential to make these experiences more meaningful. Gary and I shifted from using L$D for fun to instead dive deep into our consciousness and heal our trauma. We both felt like we were able to achieve what may have required years of therapy. Unfortunately, we were alone in this experience and didn’t have a community to integrate with. I was able to talk with my Dad about some of my revelations. I remember him saying, "That is what they teach at Unity Church." I told him I wanted to continue to practice with L$D with ongoing communion ceremonies—maybe quarterly with the change of seasons. He asked me if I would consider using mushrooms instead since they come directly from the earth.

A Turning Point

Unfortunately, I lost Gary to suicide in 2020, and all of the work I had done to heal came crashing around me. I was at the lowest point of my life—a darkness I cannot describe. I was stuck in “freeze” with so much I wanted to do with my newfound knowledge, yet full of despair. In 2021, as I was searching for mushrooms, I was introduced to Psanctuary Church. In 2022, I had my first big mushroom communion. I expected it to be like L$D. It was different. It was much more difficult as I had to work through my grief and guilt. I spent hours laying on the floor feeling sickness throughout my body, sobbing and shouting at God (and myself), “I am not a martyr. It is not my fault. Please stop hurting me!” At some point, I surrendered. On the other side of surrender was peace and beauty. I received the message to “Be still,” and as I moved off the floor and laid down on the couch, I saw Gary, sitting there with me. Years later, I am still having insights from that first big journey with mushrooms.

Healing and Community

Whereas L$D brought out my inner child and let me play and experience what I would describe as an understanding of “the grand design,” and reconnected me with the Divine, mushrooms helped me to heal the stuff I have been carrying for a very long time. To see things from a different perspective. To truly understand the oneness and that outside is a reflection of inside. To fully experience communion, mushrooms have connected me with a community of people that can support me through it and celebrate the good stuff. The space to integrate the experiences.

Final Thoughts

This work has taught me that to heal the world, one must only heal themselves. We are all one, interconnected, and part of nature itself. In the act of learning to love ourselves, we will love everything around us and treat it with care.

I remember Gary saying he would go through all the suffering again if he could help just one person find relief. I felt the same. Plant medicines provide an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, connect and commune with God and Nature and community. To access parts of ourselves that had been hidden. To see things with a new perspective which promotes love and peace.

We call the experience “ineffable” because the totality of the experience really cannot be described with words. For me, it has been a path to peace and healing.